Have you ever had one of those moments when your heart is just swept with joy? Like a flame, the feeling bursts from your center and spreads like a swelling wave across the rest of your body. Your eyes are smiling, a tear rolls down your face, and gratefulness and contentment define the moment.
Yesterday I was consumed by joy ? the joy of watching my son, now a grown man, be nurturing to his beloved and to their 10 week old puppy. The joy of having my family all around laughing, playing, enjoying each other, all happy, all healthy, all at peace. I felt like a walking advertisement for the ?life is good? motto. Waking this morning I began to think about joy ? and the art of appreciating and sustaining joy. While joy at times over takes us like a whiff of spring ? I wondered ? can we do things to entice its visit or persuade its stay? And if we can, are these skills in awareness or skills in thought and behavior ? or both?
Intimate relationships are both our place for the sweetest joy and our place of deepest struggle and pain. They are our ultimate teacher and how well we learn or how much we rebel bears witness in the degree to which we know joy and wisdom. They are both the challenging climb and the mountain vista. There is no view from the top without the training and the climb ? they go hand in hand. Such is the design of life. So what are the qualities that allow us to appreciate if not enjoy the climb? And is there a way to increase the number or qualities of vistas we experience?
My son has a couple of friends who are athletic trainers. One is training for a triathlon. We were talking the other day about his training schedule and while demanding, it was the desire to achieve the goal, the appreciation of his body?s capacities and the joy of the celebration that spurred him to do long bike rides over mountain ranges and hours of running across miles of forest trails. This trainer would never expect to run a triathlon at 6500 feet without months of diligent training and expect to appreciate the process let alone finish the race. And yet with relationships we often expect them to be filled with joy while little is done to make it so. We wonder why a marriage fails to know joy ... though for years it has been taken for granted ? or why a young adult is disinterested with a meaningful connection with a parent who was disrespectful during their growing years. When you meet families where adults and kids prefer the company of each other or hang out with couples who are clearly still in love, do you ever wonder what has sustained their connection and joy? Was it an accident? Was it luck? Was it genetics? Was it a loving childhood? Was it effortless ? or were their countless moments of intentional investment of time, love, learning, compromise, reflection, playfulness, humility, understanding and growth?
You were wired for joy-filled intimate connection. You were created to climb mountains and revel in the magnificent vistas that are gifts only to those willing to do the hard work of training and climbing. If you long for more joy, more love, more peace ? you will make space for it through the work of learning to love when loving is hard, learning patience when you are prone to impatience, and practicing compassion when you feel prone to judgment. Intimacy is as much a daily practice as it is an experience of joy and peace. This is true in every meaningful relationship.
If you want more vistas of joy in your marriage, what?s your training program? What does it take? How can you chart a path that will prepare you? How will you train? Where are you already strong? Where are your areas of weakness? How will you deal with setbacks? How will you nourish your body, mind, heart and soul to meet the challenge? Who will you train with? Who will inspire you? Support you?
Whether you seek to run a marathon, climb a mountain, be an accomplished musician or revel in the joy of an intimate loving relationship ? it will require a daily dose of intentional thought and action. This is what makes loving a spiritual practice. Daily loving intention ? the art of appreciating and sustaining joy.
If more joy, connection, love and peace is what you want in your marriage and you are a bit baffled about how to begin ... consider coming to our next Couple's Intimacy Retreat - September 22-25, 2011 in Seattle. This is the ultimate marital boot-camp. We will train you, climb with you and give you a vista experience that will inspire lifelong connection and joy. The path, experience and support will be at your fingertips during the retreat and after.
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Source: http://tinaschermersellers.blogspot.com/2011/07/when-love-is-breathtaking-vista.html
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